Lockdown , teens and snapchat !!

Anyone else had enough yet? yes? I know right ??!!!! But whatever can we do about it ? I started lockdown with this amazing vigour of what i was going to do and what i was determined to achieve, and what have i done ? Nowt. In all honesty i've literally written off this week on account of the fact i can barely put one foot in front of the other !!! So how's my week been ?

Started off pretty ordinary until i got a "snapchat" off my daughter. Now i want you to understand dear readers, that she was in the next room. She could of shouted me, or popped her little head around my door to converse with her dear mama, but no.


I've still yet to get my head around snapchat. At 45 the only thing i feel snapchat does is filter out my wrinkles and give me leopard print ears , making me a whole lot

more appealing to the community. And if i wanna push the boat out i can turn myself into an old lady or a baby, frankly 2 things that are not gonna make my lockdown any better (although the voice changing stuff is pretty funny) .


the fact she snapchatted me at midnight a few nights ago to tell me she needed chocolate, dairy milk to be precise , she went on for about 10 minutes until i made it clear that i could not pull chocolate out my arse nor was i a vending machine.....


So back to the epiphany , seeing her little name pop up on my snapchat can mean one of only 2 things, she wants something or she's sent me a funny meme or voicenote. When i read the first line it all blurred itself out, the only word i saw in bold was epiphany ........... totally shocked that she even knew what an epiphany was and spell it (she's come clean and told me she asked siri) i carried on reading.....


"Mum seeing as im on furlough, i want to give my room a makeover to give me something to focus on" at this point i thought oooooooo shes gonna tidy it , bring down the pots that i've threatened to donate to science on the account of the cultures that reside in them ???? im totally convinced the key to eradicating coronavirus is right there in her room. I continued to read before, in true snapchat style, it timed out and disappeared......


" I've been on ikea....."



I love ikea but i can't seem to just go for the one thing i went for . Last time i came out with a set of rubber food covers and a fejka (plastic foliage) cuz stacey solomon says they are amazing. And another 40000000 packs of white napkins. Not to mention a random drawer divider that so far succeeded in dividing my drawer up, as much i have losing 3 stone this month. !

I couldn't see the apple falling far from the tree .


" I've put some stuff in my basket...."


Now i'm sat there thinking, ok shes going to of placed a few nice cushions, a vase and a few smelly candles and a fejka in her basket......


"It's quite cheap so i've got a new bed, a shoe rack , a set of drawers , a storage cube, 2 plants , a lamp and some baskets for my storage a chair and a dressing table...."


Ellice my love, this is some epiphany !!! She cant make her bed let alone an ikea flat pack !!!

I could feel the sweat beading off my forehead. Not only was she ordering enough flatpack to put the diy sos team on edge, but i'd got to break this to dave.........

What ellices epiphany did not include was how the furniture would magically get in its finished state. Dave is notorious for being a little overprotective of his tools and i couldn't imagine how he would feel that the prodigal daughter, with little diy knowledge, was gonna fair brandishing an allen key and his new makita cordless power drill.


The truth is she wasn't, oh no . She then dropped in that she had seen some wallpaper. This is where i came in, there's only one wallpaperer in this house, me.

I couldn't help but try to fight the vision of my professional lockdown "to do" list out of my mind:


write new a&p module, make it epic

Eat only green, drink only water

zoom lesson for katie, don't mess up

devise new edumat for world domination

meet with sam, write award winning nail chat show

wallpaper ellices feature wall

write comprehensive health and safety module to save the industry from certain turmoil


There was no time for wallpapering ! Her epiphany was literally flawed due to the fact we, as her parents, would still have to do it !!!!!

Bless dave though, he's convinced her to go with a paint feature wall and zjuzz it up a little so now i'm well outta the wallpapering, However He's still up to his arse in flat pack when it arrives ! I suppose it will keep him quiet.

I'll fill you in on the results of said makeover when it's finished.


Im literally at the point of lockdown now where i need a break, there's no privacy in this vast house and regardless of what your doing, you're always doing it with someone.

During my hot steamy relaxing muscle soaking bath tonight, i thought id catch up with some netflix and chill. Absolutely not, within 5 mins , ellice and her phone appeared. Sat onto the loo seat and sat scrolling through tik tok, laughing to herself and showing me videos of random strangers doing ridiculous dances . Then within 5 minutes charlie appeared with his laptop, i love they want to spend time with me..... but.

Charlie then thought it would be dead funny to use google translate to make the most obscure sentences. While i admit annoying, was funny.


Type this into google and translate english to french

you can thank me later...... even better play with it when your drunk.


"green glass towards worm verse"


ensure you press volume and let her speak it.


I thought once i'm out i can lie on the bed and towel dry ......... charlie was already on my bed , ellice lurking in the doorway. I give up.........


Anyway back to my hard work and plans for world domination (watching derby play bournemouth with a prosecco)


see ya duck


mel x


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