Slackers, ga ga, pomp and ceremony

Welcome to my wonderful normal life...... not.


As the week has progressed i found myself becoming less and less intolerant of people breathing, conversations and opening my eyes. Not sure why 8am still feels like 3 am ? I've been going up to bed at 9pm , is this it ? Now i'm 45 will bedtimes get earlier and earlier ! I remember as kid hating being told to go to bed and use as many delaying tactics as possible (i had a repertoire) i guess it all comes back around only you tend to enjoy it more when your old !!


Yesterday i taught some lovely ladies acrygel conversion online. Which was a welcome break from loose women and a place in the sun. Upon arriving at the academy filled with dread, as there has been leaks in there from the windows, i swung open the door to be faced with king tridents fury. Everywhere i looked there was puddles, had i of known id of worn my wellies and bought my canoe and a rubber duck !!




After a flurry of cursing, i grabbed the basket of clean towels, that the towel fairy(dave), had washed from the leak clear up days before, and threw them on top of anything vaguely moist. In my own true style i literally turned on my laptop made my apologies to the students and told them i was like noah and that their lesson would be bought to them from lake lewendon ! what else could i do ?!


So yesterday was the day that ellices epiphany started to take shape. It was paint day. She was up super early and so excited at the prospect of adding colour to her muse !



Now i'm not sure if it is a generational thing but being self employed i don't get breaks often, those that are employed, do you get breaks how many breaks do you get and how long ? because it seems my daughter isn't shy when it comes to "break time"


She grabbed her paintbrush and asked dave where she should start...


"cut in over there el please" she picked up the paintbrush........ cut in a meter.......

"i'm just going for my dinner"


Dave was stunned, he's a grafter .... this was more than he could comprehend. He gave her the benefit of the doubt.

After the wanderer returned she continued , after 10 mins she put her brush down and announced....

"i'm going for a bath"


At this point dave said he was practically picking his jaw up off the floor , from the 45 mins in total she had painted, 35 of those minutes were spent breaking, then she hops off for a bath ! Daves 45 year old body buckling under the pressure of decorating a whole room by himself he was ready for a scoop (beer) last night .

He likened the green she has picked as "pea soup" and said if anyone has watched the only fools and horses episode where rodney and grandad paint the chinese restaurant in luminous green, glow in the dark paint, you'll know exactly what he means ! However we cant be stifling her creativity ! she reckons when she's accessorised it it will tone it down......i'll reserve judgment until i see it.


After work yesterday i decided i would watch the american presidential inauguration !!



Being an ex redcoat i'm a sucker for some pomp and ceremony and some good old fashioned showbiz and it certainly didn't disappoint !!!


The clothes..........the shoes............... the fist pumping..................Everybody in tailored masks that matched their outfits......... long swooping shots of capital hill.........


And lady gaga...........

After being escorted down the stairs gracefully ......... she sang that national anthem like her little life depended on it, clutching and grabbing the air in triumph with every rift she sang into her golden microphone !!!


I mean no other woman in the world could of carried off her outfit.

Pipe cleaners twisted round her head and a huge great gold metal bird perched on her left boob . It takes one hell of a woman to make that look glam !! Id of looked like the bird lady from mary poppins. I suppose we should be eternally grateful she left the "meat frock" at home tho eh ???




Then jlo, the lovely luscious jlo . Mis matching eyeshadow and all (the beauty therapist in me noticed that first) Floated down the steps arm in arm with a dignitary, scooped up her, less glamourous than gagas , black mic and gave the president an approving nod (same a the one below...fierce..) obviously president biden is down with the kids !! ...........she snarled and kicked out her tune "america the beautiful" , Whacking a little bit of let's get loud into one of the verses and addressing the nation in spanish, i've no clue what she said but i was clapping for my life !!!! !! bless you jlo.......






And to finish off our trio of entertainers ....... Garth (could not give a shit) brooks !!!


Did he get escorted in? ........ Did he hell !!!!! No bloody wayyyy ......


He strode down those stairs, like billy big bollocks, like he had dismounted his horse in his jeans and cowboy get up, removed his hat and belted out amazing grace. He had me totally he even managed audience participation ! , He's garth brooks, totally impervious to coronavirus and totally flouncing all distancing rules by hugging every dignitary on the way back out, brilliant , garth is the man the legend !!! By this point i was an emotional mess.





Then the man president biden spoke. Immaculately dressed his combover flapping in the washington wind.............. I listened to his speech and then there it was....

"we've come so far but got so far to go"

All ruined for me as i recognised those words from the cast ensemble from the closing credits of "hairspray".... Even ellice sang it at the same time as me ! What was next a ditty from poppins ?????!!! Next time i reckon i should write his speech if lyrics is what he wants !!! I reckon i've got some vanilla ice rhymes that need putting out there !

And to top it off, charlie walked in sat down on the rug and said.....

"Whos that, grandpa joe ?" im done......




I popped out for a blood test today and dropped ellice and b and m, and in the car ellice asked me if she could ask me question.

My heart skipped, my teenage daughter was trying to converse with me, to ask for my motherly advice, i had to make sure i gave it her , i couldn't fail her ,i was poised she had waited for us to be alone to ask me something , omg what could it be ? Was she leaving home?, Getting married?, pregnant?, needed advice only a mother could give her?, my whole life has been poised for this moment....


"Do you know when you have an itch on the palm of your hand, you you scratch it with your teeth"


wtf............. and why did i answer her....with demonstration !!!!!








And finally, A little shout out goes to morrisons today. For serving dave a crispy hot sausage roll he likened to eating chipboard, apparently "you don't mess with pastry, dicks " .


send help......


love mel xxx






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